[For some time now I’ve been thinking of throwing some thoughts of my personal life and personal experience…but seems like the overwhelming real world didn’t allow me much time to type or even consider these little bits of pieces I have been keeping within]
It’s now been about 5 years since I’ve left my so beloved home country to come experience a world so different from the one I thought I’d be living in today.
Sadly, I came to the realization that life is not exactly what you dreamed of or predicted when you were young. But fortunately, when you grow older and a little wiser you realize that it is actually better. But it takes a while. It takes mistakes and it takes a lot of tears. It takes hurtful comments and even some perpetual friends along your path for you to realize that, you get what you work for. And that my friend is the world I live in. Everything you see around me, I worked for it.
I didn’t end up here by mistake; neither did I make a mistake to end up here.
Most people don’t get what I mean by this, but in all reality, who cares? This is my life we are talking about, not everybody else’s.
I like to believe that I see things in a very different angle compared to many people around me. I am not entirely Brazilian nor am I truly Chinese. I am definitely not American, and sometimes wished I was from somewhere in Europe. I didn’t really know my true identity when I was young. I battled through a very awkward identity crisis for a while. And Today…well, today’s Ana is a result of that chaotic battle. I didn’t know where I fit in, but I knew where I didn’t fit in and that is a planned, expected and predictable future. Whatever that would be. I don’t like predictable things…
I love expecting the unexpected…
It is sickening to me that people suck it up, people brag, people play their cards to get somewhere in life. I could have done the same. But then…I’d be like them. Perhaps they have more money, more people they like to call friends but I often wonder…do they really think that is real? Is it real?
I chose a different path, leave the family business, wealth…I left it all behind me. With a college degree and a bank account with a very round zero, I took off and went my own way…by the looks of it…I might of turned out alright…
One does not truly know what is real until you have to work hard to earn your living. Work for your every meal and sweat to get that roof over the top of your head. It’s true, I survived with cup noodles for a while, but then I did better.
I learned from mistakes not to settle for the comfortable, I learned to always ask instead of assuming. Lies are easy to tell, but the truth will always come out. Those that promise you too much…perhaps they are lying. But all negativity aside, if you are lucky, good people and things will come your way.
And I am one of those lucky ones. I have someone I like to call my best friend who also happens to be my younger brother. I never thought I’d be here saying that he taught me to be stronger and to stand up for myself. He reminded me every day that “you don’t have a tough life, you just encounter obstacles,” that “you are not living a mistake, you are just in a very uncertain time along your way to greatness”…
After spending one well deserved week to make up for all those five years I did not spend time with him…I saw a grown young man in front me. He is shy and young but don’t let that fool you. He has wise words to share with you in times of need and he knows when to simply sit there and look at you with those encouraging but understanding eyes.
I miss him everyday…
And for that matter this post is entirely dedicated to him. My brother. My best friend. My confidant.
*Thank you Mimi.
